“You are a good person”, someone says to me. “You are kind, friendly, helpful, very cheerful, smart, confident, pretty”, they said.
Am I? If that’s the truth, why I can’t see the one you all are talking about……….
I am just one of hell kid, my laughter is a sin, my existance is a pain. No one wants me. I m broken. No one can save me, I can’t save me. I broke every relationship, romantic and friendship. When I messed up, they will ditch me, I am so scared being ditch, so I will just messed things up.
No one understand. No matter how hard I try to explain. I change my way to communicate, still…. no one understand. Maybe no one care enough. I m not important to anybody. No matter how much I try to be that good person, caring person, but nobody cares like I care. They are just not enough for me, I am not enough for me.
There is no such thing called love. My mom stay because she make a wrong decision (not my assumption, she told me that) She is now too old to get away, have no talent, have no bussiness, no money. I am just a hell kid that they feel obligated to, afraid of the shame feeling in front of the others, because of not taking good care of a kid. He even gets furious when my aunt tell him that I am a good kid & I m talented. He gets mad. Because of feeling shame that his abusive behaviours may get out, thinking that I m close with my aunt & I tell stories.
He cursed at me….. just because my aunt tell him I can do things.